


if the stars say that you cannot love me

by annadavidson



Series: let us duel the stars (a mass effect dual au) [13]
Category: Mass Effect - All Media Types, Mass Effect Trilogy
Genre: AU, Alternate Universe, Dual AU, Dual Alternate Universe, F/M, Mass Effect AU, Mass Effect Dual AU
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-19
Updated: 2018-04-19
Packaged: 2019-04-25 04:11:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,046
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14370624
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/annadavidson/pseuds/annadavidson
Summary: It had been awhile since he’d felt this strongly about someone.Prompt: “It’s a human thing…wanting what you can’t have.”





	if the stars say that you cannot love me

It had been awhile since he’d felt this strongly about someone. The last person had been Ashley and well, their relationship hadn’t worked out. They had decided they were better off as friends. Perhaps he was cursed, and his feelings for Samara were doomed to turn out the same way.

It was clear that she felt  _something_ for him. They had almost kissed, but she had also gotten distressed over almost breaking her oath to her code. Duncan felt bad about that part. He hadn’t meant to push her. He admittedly didn’t understand why he code kept them from pursuing a relationship, but he didn’t have to understand it in order to respect it. And he needed her to know that he  _did_ respect her code, the oath she had made to it when she’d started out as a Justicar. He needed her to know he respected something that was so important to her.

He found her in her usual room, looking out at the vast universe, stars twinkling before her. He didn’t have to say anything for her to know he was there. He approached, coming to stand by her, eyes searching the stars for something he couldn’t quite explain. Sometimes he would look out and wonder how many planets circled those stars; how many lives lived around those stars, unaware of the threat of the collectors and reapers. Sometimes he wondered if those stars held secrets they had yet to discover, perhaps secrets they would never know, that they weren’t meant to know.

She watched him, smiling softly. She’d often wondered what it would be like to read his mind, to know all that weighed him down. He could be so open with her yet she knew he never gave everything away. There were some things he kept to himself - things he didn’t think she would like. She understood that. He thought so highly of her. There were some stories she thought were better kept to herself. After all, she couldn’t bring herself to even risk tarnishing the image he saw when he looked at her.

But there was something that hung between them. She remembered leaning in close, her biotics flaring up. She remembered his own biotics reacting to his want, his desire to kiss her, to hold her, _to love her._  She wanted to know what it felt like to be held in his arms, to be his and for him to be hers. She wanted to know what it felt like to kiss him, to feel his passion against her. Would he lose control of his biotics, throwing the room in disarray? Or would his biotics meld perfectly with hers, displaying their love in an aurora of colors and power?

It felt like a tragedy that neither of them would ever know.

“I’m sorry,” Duncan spoke, his voice breaking through both of their thoughts. His eyes met hers and she thought she saw a touch of sadness in that dark green. “I wanted to apologize for… the other day. I hadn’t meant to push you. I would never ask you to break your code.”

“Shepard… _Duncan,”_  she reached for his hand but hesitated. If she took it, she wasn’t sure if she’d be able to let go. “You could never push me to do something I do not wish to do.”

He knew that yet he still felt as if he had crossed a line that day. Even though she didn’t seem to feel the same way. Instead where he saw his own guilt mirrored on her face.

“Samara-”

“I’m sorry if I hurt you,” she stated suddenly, looking away as if she couldn’t meet his eyes anymore. “That was never my intention. It’s been awhile since…” She hesitated as if she couldn’t quite find the words or perhaps she was afraid of hurting him again. “I must honor my code, Duncan. I’m sorry, but I hope you understand.”

“I do,” he insisted, turning sideways and leaning against the wall and window.

Samara couldn’t help thinking the stars framed him perfectly. He looked like he belonged in the stars. It was almost as if he was one with the universe, though she knew that wasn’t true. He’d once admitted to her that he wasn’t sure where he belonged. He wasn’t sure if it was in the stars or on the ground. She felt a yearning to help him find that place, to find  _home._  It took all her strength to resist that urge.

“Don’t worry,” he added, “It stings, yeah, but… You’re still in my life. You’re my friend. So long as that’s still true, I’ll be fine - I’ll be happy.”

She found herself smiling softly again.

“You’re one of my best friends,” she admitted.

He matched her smile with one of his own. “Then I’m fine, and I’m happy.” He shrugged in an attempt at nonchalance, though he was never quite relaxed. “Besides, it’s a human thing… wanting what you can’t have.” His smile was somehow a mixture of sadness and fondness.

She reached forward, cupping his cheek in her hand. Her other hand gripped his, their fingers instinctively lacing together. They stood close - closer than they should have. But she could see he was resisting. There was an urge, etched into his body language, but he was resisting it for her. He didn’t want to make her uncomfortable, to push her to do something she might regret.

“In another life, another time,” she spoke softly.

“And what if that time never comes?” he sounded as if he’d been afraid to ask.

She dropped her hand, now holding both of his in hers. She brought his hands up and placed a soft kiss on his fingers. It was the most she could do without breaking her oath. She watched his smile turn warm and his eyes fill with affection.

“There is someone out there for you,” she explained, “Someone that you will want and you will have. Someone you won’t have to wait for another life or another time for you. I don’t know where they are, but I know they’re out there, and they’ll make you the happiest man.”

He leaned forward and kissed her forehead. Her eyes closed and she let out a content sigh.

“Thank you, Samara.”

**Author's Note:**

> Like/reblog on Tumblr [here](http://magicrobins.tumblr.com/post/173105375950/its-a-human-thingwanting-what-you-cant-have).


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